'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
