if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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