PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
