can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
