she was so not down for the gang bang
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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