i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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