My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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