He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
