mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
