my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
