I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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