hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
