Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
