I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
