She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
