I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
