Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
