the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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