thus making me awesome and them whores
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
