No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
