Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
