we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
