You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize