Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
