i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
