You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
