I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
