You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
