We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
