overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
