Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
