it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
