your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Acid is not a monday night drug
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
