It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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