I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
