we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
