I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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