Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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