One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
