3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
