O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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