I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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