Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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