I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize