Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
