I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
