my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
