I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize