What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your penis caused this!
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