I love black thongs
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
