Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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