I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
