Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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