holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
