I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
