my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
