i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
