K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
