i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
