I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
