and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
