he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
