Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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