i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
