just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He did a backflip because drugs
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
