I can tuck mytits in my pants
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
