if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
