Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
