the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
