yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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