And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
