We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
