were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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